Bring Forth What is Within

I’ve had a low-grade fever in my spirit. It’s there whenever I tune in. It’s like a sadness and grief. Or a depression, oppression, suppression or some kind of other “pression”. It feels heavy. I tune in to see if it’s a lack of peace. No, it’s not. But it doesn’t feel good. I can still pray and feel heard, I can still feel God’s love. But there are whispers of guilt, fear, rejection. Wrestling with how some of my choices have disappointed others. Distant relationships. The stark possibility that they might never be better than they are right now.

Let me think more about the fever idea. A fever happens when the amazing physical body is trying to expel something foreign. It burns until the substance is gone. As long as the fever is there, the body is in a compromised state. Weaker, tired, slightly overwhelmed. Overall, the fever has a very important purpose. It’s not a bad thing. We need not fight the fever, but look deeper as to what the cause is.

Most of the time, along with the cause of the fever is a stagnation of energy, a place in the body where energy is sitting and not moving. A blockage, an old emotion, a belief that no longer serves, a foreign substance that doesn’t belong. It might have been there a long time, but the body has come to a point of needing to get rid of it because it doesn’t serve the body in moving forward into vibrant health.

So now, let me sink into my spirit and give whatever is there the permission to loosen, rise, and be gone. I feel it’s something that has been there a long time, and it feels part of me. My mind does not perceive it as foreign. It even feels comfortable and familiar in a way. But it’s like an old virus that is trying to purge out. It is settled very deeply into every layer of me, it feels like. This has been its home forever and to be told to leave is very confusing. So it stays and argues and reasons and thinks this can’t be right.

I think suppression is what it is. And I think it’s wrapped up in fear. Fear of being seen and heard and rejected for those things.

I’ve read different things lately about holding things within that are asking to be let out. If we hold them in they eventually consume us. Have you ever read the Gospel of Thomas? There is one saying there that says “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” These are said to be Jesus’ words.

Interestingly, they remind me of the well-known parable of the talents. One day that story impressed me in a brand new way. You know how each person was given talents, some more than others. The one who was given one went and buried his and hid it away. He was afraid of losing it and figured he would put it in safe-keeping until the master came again and wanted it back. The others went out and put theirs to use and created more talents. When the master came back he was very disappointed in the one who had buried his, and said it would be taken away and given to one of the others who had more.

To me, the one who was given one talent was like someone who did not bring forth what was within him. It destroyed him in a way, compared to what it could have done for him had he used it and helped it multiply. If I bury my talent, I am the same. If I am given something and I do not share it to make a difference or help other people, that thing will destroy me. It is stagnant energy, stuck in my being. We often think it could be pride to share it and let it be seen. But maybe it’s pride not to.

I want to get rid of the fever. I want a fountain in my spirit instead. Ever flowing, moving energy. Substance springing forth that is fresh and nourishing. A talent that is multiplying. Emptied of ego-self, alive in ever-expanding divine inspiration.

I’m scared. Afraid to be seen. But to hide it inside and keep it tucked away is dangerous. It becomes a cancer, a sickness, a drain to life-force. So it’s a choice between to “hards”. Which one will it be?

For you, which will it be? Please share your talent. I want to see it, and I will rejoice at every bit of it that comes straight from the heart. The world is starved for authentic and true inspiration, unhindered and unedited. Let’s shake off the dirt of fear that we have kept our talents buried in and let them shine! They don’t have to line up with a set of guidelines or be approved of by anyone else. If they come from a heart of love and sincerity, they are perfect. We’ll be okay if some people outright judge us for them or belittle them. Very likely those people have a talent hidden, which is sad. I really feel like if we all were sharing our talents that we have from a full and joyful heart, there would be no judgment of each others’ talents. The fulfillment and joy of putting out a part of our precious selves that are so loved in the sight of God will be worth it. Energy will flow and our fountain will never run dry.

Ever spring, oh spring!!

RCY