The Joy of Finding You

This is a follow-up post to the last one - “The Pain of Leaving”. However, I do say this is for anyone, whether they’ve left or not. This is not about leaving and finding something to replace the old. This is about finding you… Who are you? Where are you? What do you love? What do you not love? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What is your calling? What is your need?

There are so many cautions out there about getting to wrapped up in yourself and becoming independent. I do know there is that possibility. Our lives benefit from having room for others. But… not at the expense of ourselves. Yes that sounds so selfish, I know. But this is exactly what I mean. Unhealthy independence really comes from feeling like we aren’t worthy or that we aren’t enough. It comes from unaddressed trauma and unhealed pain.

We all need a space and a life where we can quiet down and slow down enough to learn to know ourselves. We are all surrounded by shoulds and should nots. Have to’s, need to’s, want to’s. We are so much more comfortable running around doing - giving attention to this and that, and granted, a lot of it is good. Meanwhile our spirit is drying up like a desert. We have no idea who we are. We listen to reply. We formulate an opinion in split seconds. Each person we meet is immediately categorized as one of us or one of them. In the morning, we run through the to-do list and delve in to our days’ work, leaving our soul in bed because we just don’t have time for it. We are presented with complex situations where we have to decide who or what is right and wrong and what in the world we should ever do. There are parts of us that are celebrated, and parts of us that are rejected. We are experts at showing the one and hiding the other.

So, where ever you are, please find a way to dial back the intensity. You will not become selfish, friend. Selfishness comes from feeling like you don’t measure up and you aren’t enough. If you learn to forgive yourself, you’ll more easily forgive others. When you lay aside the pressures, you’ll start to really “see” and experience life. Every person you meet will be beautiful, you included. Learn how the systems of your body work. Explore any topic you take an interest in. There’s a reason you care about it. Maybe it’s part of your purpose here. Dare to be you, even if it feels weird. Find something to put some attention on - something that lights you up. When you show up and present it authentically from the heart, people will celebrate it. It will make your heart sing. If it doesn’t “fit in”, that’s ok. Just doing it for yourself is good too.

Remember the parable of the talents? God gave you a talent. Please don’t bury it. Use it, find joy in it, don’t be ashamed of it. That is how to make it multiply. Let it fill your days with joy. Create from your own heart of love, joy, wildness, uniqueness. Cry with rage, grief, or overwhelming bliss. Smile because the sun is in your eyes. Sing for no one but yourself. Your Father rejoices to see you, His creation, living who He created you to be. He will send others - just the ones He chooses - who will be touched by your light. You will give a spark to them, and they will start to glow in their own unique way, and then they will touch you. That is how it was meant to be. You will see each other in your darkness too. And you’ll stay until it passes. Your darkness is part of you too. But you have to stay and sit with it long enough to witness it change to light. Your darkness does not have to be rejected or pushed under. Do you think that really makes it go away?

One of my children said this last night - “What if we didn’t have eyes? What if we related to each other without ever seeing each other?” Wow. Look at how much what we see messes with us. It can make us completely miss feeling and connecting to the heart of the next one. Hair, clothes, skin color, physical features - all gone. And wouldn’t that actually be closer to reality?? I don’t want to give up my eyes, but I pray they will never be a hindrance to seeing with my heart.

I sat on a bench along a path yesterday. Many people passed by. A cute young couple with their teeny tiny dog. A young man with headphones. A mother with her cute little daughter in a sundress and carrying a lavender backpack. Along came a tall and thin Native American man. His four front teeth were missing. He looked like he could have been through a lot. He opened his mouth in a wide smile and said - “I hope you are having a lovely day.” I could feel the warmth, the spirit, the soul. Without that sincere greeting I would have held a complete different impression of him.

Go where you are at rest. Go where you can be free to express yourself how you feel like God created you. Spend time in stillness, just connecting. It will feel selfish at first, yes it will. Please push through the supposed selfishness and be sincerely humble, and you will see how your settled spirit and restful heart begins to touch others around you. Don’t ever be humble for the purpose of appearing good to others. Be humble because you want to be true, and that is the only reason. Talk with God from the depths of your heart. Hide nothing from Him. There is no reason to be afraid of Him. You’ll find the more you come to Him as your imperfect self, the more you’ll realize that’s really how He loves you anyway. Try to practice stillness with yourself long enough so that you can get to the place where you don’t punish and scold yourself anymore. That’s when life really begins. In that place you can more clearly see yourself. You understand what about you needs some work, and you gently ask for help, believing it will come in its own good time. You don’t need to make any of your own lesson plans. God has a way of bringing them in just the right way and at the right time you can actually start to look forward to them, and make it a sort of game to try to spot and recognize them as they arrive.

You are enough. Please go forward into a life that will help you come to where you really believe that with your heart and soul. What joy! To me, this is the life more abundant, for me and the people around me.

-RCY